Drunkblogging Glee (Beer...an unspecified amount)

9:00: Ok amazing already. There probably couldn't be a more awesome way to start a show.

9:05: Nope. That is def the best way to start a show. Any show. TV, Movies, Broadway, VMAs...for realz. Any show.

9:07: Whoa. I just realized the wife is is Coach Taylor's sister. FNL is my favorite show of all time. OF ALL TIME!

9:08: She is making a niche of playing crazies.

9:08: Crazy breeds crazy!

9:06: Take it away Sue!

9:07: You can't strike children on their fair buttox with razor sharp bamboom stick. Yes we cane" Go Canes! Wait...never mind...

9:08: Lingo for an interview...via sattelitte. I think she has the best lines in the entire show.

9:09: Why is she always dressed like a Catholic school girl? It's weird...just go to Nerinx already. Musical theatre is HUGE there.

9:10: One word comes to mind...HA

9:10: SO MANY LOLZ

9:11: Why are the coaches shorts always so short...PS Auditioning for the role of kicker. Perfect.

9:12: I just almost spit my beer out from the LOLZ

9:15: The most hilarious thing about this baby situation is that all of my friends thought that in high school, if you give a guy a HJ in the hot tub, everyone in the hot tub is going to get pregs. OBVI. God, they don't teach people anything in public school.

9:20: Oooohhh...Lynch Pinn...like Jane Lynch...inside joke? maybe? maybe not? 

9:21: Bitch has got some fierce cheek bones. Or maybe it's the lighting. 

9:23: I miss pointe. Actually not. I miss the idea of it. It hurts like fuck. My big toenail broke in half once and bled all over the place. Yeah. True story. Gross true story, but true story nonetheless.

9:24: Aw Rach is making me sad.

9:27: I'm pretty sure the MacSnackWrap is a Big Mac wrapped in a...wrap. People wraps are not any better for you. If you are going to eat a burger, go to a good burger place.

9:28: YES. WSS. What if they restaged WSS as like the Chinese vs the Mongolians. The sad thing is no one that wasn't Asian would know the difference. 

9:30: Oh shit things just got serious.

9:30: Quinn is obvi not preggers. She is just a desperate idiot. I mean if you're going to get pregnant you should at least do the durty. Stupid Quinn.

9:32: YES! Dancing football players!

9:32: Dude, she isn't telling anybody because she's not pregnant...LIKE YOUR WIFE.

9:33 On a side not...blogging, watching and drinking are hard to do all at once. Whew. I'm worn out. 

9:36: Sick. Since when do children's movies show a dude on the toilet. Barf me.

9:38: Comb through the hair...slap the buttox! OMG LOLZ ALPENTY

9:40: Bc you got me drunk on wine coolers and felt fat that day. Wow. That, as sad as it sounds, is the exact way thinking a high schooler would feel if she got pregnant.

9:45: A big gay team of dancing gays. Perfect

9:45: What his face's scarf is so gay.

9:55: I've known. I've known since you were three. You wanted a pair of sensible heels. OOOOMMMMGGG...i just LOLED like you would't believe. For realz. This show is hilarious.

9:58: Well I'll tell you my secret Western Ohio...

10:00: I don't know if I like drunk blogging. It's hard. I can't watch it fully. If only had Tivo.  \

HINT HINT: Who wants to be my blog patron and provide me cable/tivo...I know you are out there somewhere! 

Probably not...maybe my parents will buy it for me for  christmas

Around 7 beers...but some of them were tall boys so I don't really know what that comes out to...

So let me start off by saying...I. love. college. football. Ok that is an exaggeration. I don't really give a shit about any football that isn't Miami football. HOWEVSIES...we dominated tonight and I could not be happier. For realz. If we had lost I would probably be pissed off for at least the next two days. At least. You might think to yourself, "Roni? Pissed off? I can't picture it" Well bitches it is not something you want to picture. I'm trying to think of an example of when I've been angry recently but, ah, well, nothing is coming to mind. But trust, you don't want to see it. Just ask someone I've been angry at. Like Sr. Marie Louise. Fucking beyotch.

ANYIMDRINKINGNATTYLIGHTAT1AMONAMONDAY....so...scooters! Jokes...I'm joking...I'm so over scooters. In other news, John Nolan came to visit this weekend. For all of my many readers out there (I know there are at least 12 of you) John is pretty much my bff aeaeae. If you don't know what bffaeae means...well, you are obviously unaware of Miley Cirus' oeuvre. And for that I pity you. Because she's just being Miley. And at the end of the day, aren't we all? 

SO. Let's get back on track. John was great. We had a super duper time. These were our observations:

If you add "a go go" to the end of anything it makes it way cooler

For example:

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I'd like Mexican"

boring

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I'd like Mexican a go go"

AWESOME!

Also, any time you make a statement about life, ask the question: "Thoughts? Thoughts?" It has the potential for amazingness

for example...or as the spanish like to say "por eljemple"

full disclosure: I have no effing clue what the spanish say

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I"d like Mexican (a go go, if you so choose). Thoughts, thoughts?"

See? It only gets better the more you use it. So start using it more. And I will leave you at that.

Thoughts? Thoughts?

The Better Part of a Bottle of Reisling

Am I drinking right now solely to blog? Yes, yes I am. WHAT? Stop judging me you judging judgers! You know who you are! ANYWAYS...Let's see if I can think of anything interesting to talk about. Well, this wine I'm drinking is simply divine. (Dr. L Riesling, it's really hard to find in STL and Miami, but they have it in Chicago if anyone from the midwest is wondering. Which you probably weren't.)

So my mom sent me $40 today. That was nice. Especially because I am more broke than I have ever been in my life. I will probably spend all of that money on booze. And Dunkin Donuts. (Dont...just don't.) Someone give me a job. For the love of God.

I just realized that I wasn't labeling any of my posts. The suggestions Blogspot gives are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall." None of those have ever applied to any of my posts, which is probably a good thing. A scooter in any other blog is probably harmless. A scooter mention in this blog would probably mean I was writing this from the hospital. Or that I stole a scooter. If I blogged on vacation, my computer would probably be floating in the ocean somewhere. Or on the stage at Sloppy Joe's. And if I blogged during the fall, ooooh boy. Don't even get me started about the fall! Let us reflect on what some of my posts' labels would be. Hmmm...

Lemondrops

Beer

Wine

Judging judgers

Skinterns

Drinking by myself

Awesomeness

Being awkward

Holler if you have any other suggestions. In other news, I played trivia last night with fellow skintern Henry and his fancy Brown friends. That trivia was hard! Probably because it was hipster trivia. They had a whole category about horses and another one about paradoxes in philosophy or some crazy shit like that. We ended up getting second place, which I obviously didn't contribute to in any way. I tried to bring the lolz though. Too bad I can't get a job in bringing the lolz. I would be awesome at that.

Six Beers, a Lemondrop, and a SocoLime

Soco Lime! Shout out to Megan Huskey, who I will forever associate with Soco Lime. I don't really know why though...Whatevs, anything that reminds me of Megan Huskey makes me happy.

SO...I saw someone do coke tonight...TWICE! This may seem odd because I went to school in Miami where coke is so common its like the soft drink Coca Cola, the real coke...ANYWAYS... I never saw anyone do coke in Miami, but I saw someone do coke tonight guys! And it was unnerving. 

I was sitting next to this kid and he just pulls a little baggie out of his wallet, dips his keys (which looked just like mine) into the bag, pulls it back with some white stuff and and snorts it right up his nose. In case you were wondering, the white stuff was COKE. May I add, this all took place in a CAB. WTF. I thought this kid was like the friendliest person ever only to realize that is what coke does to you. I was all like, "Oh man, this guy thinks I'm really cool and fun. That must be why he keeps talking to me so enthusiastically. WRONG. Thanks coke, for making me believe I'm interesting when sober.

In other news...while walking down the street today, a crazy homeless gentleman asked Em if she "had any lesbian protection." I have no idea what that means. But I love it nonetheless. That's the thing...every time I think I see something crazy in NY, I think to myself, "Now, THAT, is the weirdest thing I've seen here." Only to be proven wrong a few hours later. Thank God for crazy homeless people or I would have nothing to write about.

Six Beers and a Lemondrop (courtesy of my manners)

So listen up bitches...I. am. awesome.  I got my friends and myself a free shot tonight because when I ordered a Bud Light I said, "A Bud Light please." The bartender was so freaking amazed that I said please he gave us all Lemondrops. There is something seriously wrong with this city if a simple "Please" gets you a free shot. In other news, I now know how to get free shots.

So we were there for a bit and then moved on. Oh, btw, I should add that I didn't go out until 1am. Whoops! Anyfreeshots...we went to another bar after that and the bartender was a dick. He was nice to me because his girlfriend was from Cape Giuardo (WTF who is from there)(It's a town about two hours away from Saint Louis for those of you not from MO...nubes) and then yelled at me when I was like "WTF who is from there?" So Christy bitched him out for sucking and then we went to yet another bar.

This bar was AWESOME. Why? Because the music they played was pleasing to my ears. It was a blend of Motown and Eighties, which in my opinion is the best blend EVER. Anycomeoneileen, the music was a pleasant distraction until we realized we were in the middle of a GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. I'm going to let you take a minute for that to sink in. BTW, if you don't know what a Guido is, please follow the link for a reference.

One word: FAIL

ALSO, some guy BIT MY FACE. I have no explanation. He literally just walked up to me, bit my face and then walked away. This made more sense once we realized we were in the middle of a FUCKING GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. Sick.

Also, I miss the Midwest. And my family. And my friends. Whompity whomp whomp.

NYfuckingC

Hilarious things happen in NY...like all the time. For example, my friend Margaret just happened about the an LP (Little People aka midgets) Convention. In her hotel. Like, while she was also staying in said hotel. WTF? According to Madge, the LPs love to get drunktaneous (which means like two beers?) and they also love dressing like sluts. WTF SQUARED?!? Where do they get slutty midget clothes? They certainly aren't selling that shit in the children's section at Target. And if they did that would be HILARIOUS. Can you imagine? The most embarrassing section would no longer be "huskey" (aka fat kids and one of my bffs last names...loves you megs) but "slutty babies" or if they were trying to be more pc, experimental toddlers? i have no idea.

More crazy shiz...a homeless (i'm assuming) dude in a wheel chair with a shark puppet. He either just got the puppet or washed it on the reg bc it was a clean shark puppet. I couldn't understand a word said puppet was saying, but that was more or less to be expected. When you meet a homeless dude with a shark puppet, you do not question the wisdom of the shark puppet. 

One more thing...

So all my relatives are on this weird quest to find me "the contact" aka the person that hooks me up with a job or something along those lines. I've gotten some good stuff, but some dead ends. For example, my Uncle Steve's friend Carmen was incredible, nice and welcoming (he offered me sushi AND bagels...i ate both, whatevs don't judge) but he had no way of helping me find a job. He had one contact at HarperCollins, but he couldn't remember her name. Oh, btw he is a composer. He filled me in on his latest project...a rock band creating a concept album.

Now, I love  a good concept album (Ziggy Stardust, A Grand Don't Come For Free,  Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots)...HOWEVS a concept album about Dante (as in Dante's Inferno) and Beatrice (his 8 year old lover?) in...get ready for it...SPACE?? I can't deal. But with such catchy tracks as "Rocketship Pneumonia" who wouldn't be hooked?

Oh wait, I was joke telling. This music as effing weird...esp bc the singer, well I wish I could elabroate, but it was like the most intense eightes rock singer took a shot of soul (or acid?) and started going at it.

Ok I' about to PTF...night night motherfuckers.

eh?

wtf is a vodka orange?  i wish i knew

Well this is an educated guess but...a vodka orange, three beers, two jaeger bombs, and three more beers

In short...WTF...i should not be drinking this much alchie hol...btw i need dudes to buy to dinks or drinks whatevs...i just am going to bedsie-bye right now...night nnight baby childs

3 pitchers shared so...a pitcher and a half?

So living in NYC is awesome. Except for the whole no job thing. Someone hook me puuuhleaase. The All Star game was a whomp whomp, as I knew it would be.  But I had fun with Christy(ie?) and we had a lot of OMG I know that person too moments. It was awesome. I wish I was more drunk right now, but I can't afford more drinks. GAYFACE. Tomorrow I shall be more than drunktaneous, I shall be drunktabulous...nay...drunktacular! Get ready for it bitches.

One Bud Light Tallboy

Ok, so I'm not technically drunktaneous right now, but let it be known that I am drinking by myself at 6:3o in the evening because I have no job and my dad left me some beer in the fridge after he helped me move in. 

YES I am officially in NYC. I've been in drunktaneous mode the past two nights (bottle of delish Cabernet on Sunday and three rather large beers last night), but I didn't have internet until today. So whomp whomp dink dink. Btw can you get me a job? Can anyone? Because that would be GREAT. 

All Star game tonight. I'm sure many beers will be consumed, because, let's be honest, the All Star game is real effin boring.

that shit below...cont'd

I just realized my picture on this blog looks like I am snorting coke. NOT TRUE! How dare you think that! In fact, I am positioning a little plastic mermaid on top of my drink. Why do I have a miniature plastic mermaid on top of my drink in the first place? That is not for you to judge! Now stop reading and continue drinking your vodka and robo or whatever you sluts are drinking these days.

Also, thanks Laura for driving me home tonight. For realz.

three rather large glasses of cab and three beers

You know what's funny? Twins. My friend dated a twin and he said he didn't want to be friends anymore. However she was still friends with his identical twin brother. I was like, lady, why don't you just call the one twin the other twins name? He might be cool with that. You never know...fucking twins.

BTW I need a job.

wine...lots of wine...maybe like six or seven? its really up in the air

SOOOO...wine...who doesn't love it? Today I was in church. I fucking haaate going to church. I was drunk still. During the sign of peace my mom says "You smell like liquor" and I go, "I know! Shut up whore!"

Ok so I didn't call my mom a whore in church but I did know I smelled like liquor. SO...SHUT UP??? Don't judge me. My friends are making fun of me. They are calling me "interesting"...I don't care! I'll take that shit as a compliment! SHUT UP WHORES! i love you all even though you are whores. whores that love twilight. GAY. fuck an edward cullen.