2 Baseball Stadium Beers, A Stoli Lemonade, Two Sake Bombs, A Shot of Sake, and A "Submarine" aka Tequila and Cornona

YES! Being drunk is awesome! Except when you are trying to do a rubix cube...Linda is trying to do it right now and it is just not working out...SIDE NOTE: Linda had a Rubix Cube in her purse.

ANYWAYS..."fuck mother bitch"...direct quote from Linda in respect to doing a rubix cube

BUT...SHUT UP! When I say shut up I'm talking to...well, i could narrow it down but really, it refers to all manor of imbiciles, so if you are reading this and I say shut up, you can assume that I hate you...unless I like you

PS Linda did a Rubix cube wasted and then referred to herself as a "magical genius"...yeah, are YOU are a magical genius?...i didn't think so, but LINDA is

Also, tequila is more or less awesome. If you don't agree with me than you are more or less NOT AWESOME

Ok, time for bed, it is waaaay past your bedtime

Two Bud Lights and 1/3 Massive Pitcher of Sangria

On the importance of wine:

I feel bad for people that don't drink wine.  They will never know it's indescribable pleasures.  I drank Sangria tonight and let me tell you, the indescribable pleasures were endless!  The best was when my friends and I talked about good books. SO? We're smart and shit. Don't hate

ANYWAYS...

Drinking wine leads to one of three conversations (if you are a female):

1. Things that involve using the prefrontal cortex

(I made that up, what I mean is the smart part of your brain...I have no idea what the prefrontal cortex is)

2.  Delicious foods

3. Sex...

It always leads to sex talk...for all the men folks out there (and I know there are TONS) if your girlfriend is going to drink wine with her BFFs, you better bet she is talking about your sex life, so deal with it

PS:::::::::::::

One glass of house Red...cab of course

A shot of tequlia

Three beers...
Stella b/c the manager bought it...GIRRRRRRL, you know I'm not buying myself fancy beers

Bud Light, because the dude that bought me the tequila shot bought it (and i think he felt bad)

Pint of PBR...SHUT UP! It was 3 bucks and I find it delicious

PPS: I hate hipsters

SO...I'm not all that drunk...or am I? That's for our judges to decide...

JOKE...I am drunk

ANYWAYS...we went to a hookah bar tonight which was AWESOME for many reasons:
1. I love hookah
2. I love bars
3. There was an 80s prom themed party at the bar, which can only mean...HIPSTERS...and while I have a severe aversion to hipsters, (they make me brake out in American Apparel unitards) I still love mocking them, SOOOOOO I had fun doing that

More than anything though I reaped the benefits of...

Becoming BFF(aeaeaeae) with owners/managers/bartenders/friends of owners/managers/bartenders:

1. Go to predetermined trendy (read: tiny) bar/lounge with a hot group of girlfriends (its ok if some of them bring boyfriends as long as everyone is good looking)

2. Sit in a booth or some other unassuming spot

3. Everyone buy the first round of drinks and drink them more or less quickly

4. Wait

5. If after 10-15 minutes, no one of some authority comes to the table, it can be assumed that your friends are ugly and you failed

6. If someone of importance does come, chat for a bit, make some asanine connections, and then ask what the best drink of the house is

7. If you and your friends are ACTUALLY hot, expect this drink to be described in great detail and then served to everyone

8. Praise drink even if it reminds you of your Nana's perfume

9. You and the manager/owner/bartender/friend of manager/owner/bartender are now BFF(aeaeaeaeae)

Definitions...and/or "Defs"

Drunktaneous:
If you are a girl, you have had 4.5 drinks. If you are dude...I don't know...let's say you tell your friends you are tipsy (even though that is muchos gay...no offense to my gays) and then you wake up the next morning are like, "man I was way more drunk than I thought I was."

That is drunktaneous. If you don't get it...ahhh, well...sorry.

five beers, one swig of whiskey, and a glass of red wine

yeah so...SHUT UP...i cut my friend's hair tonight and it was AWESOME...at least i know i have something to fall back on...ANYWAYS:

On Britney:

Forget her hair extensions, flabbosity, and lack of parental responsibility for 2 secs and reflect on this:
It's Britney Bitch
I mean...really? I remember the first time I heard that shit I laughed my ass off. I heard it tonight, and again laughed my ass off. SO?

On the state of alcohol in my house:

So yeahhhh...I'm home for a couple weeks. Everyone likes coming home because it equals free shit.

HOME=FREE SHIT

live it, love it...ANYWHODEEZY...I love free shit, so I come home, thinking...All Right! Free shit! So I head to the fridge...surely there will be some of my favorite type of free shit in there...free beer! BUT NO! Sad, but true, no beer, except some artsy fartsy beer that I would feel bad/like a douchebag if I drank ...MOVING ON...the pantry always has some good free shit, like Pineapple Rum.
SHUT UP
It's delicious and I'm a girl...don't hate

ANYWAYS...

THERE IS NOTHING IN THE PANTRY EXCEPT FOR A STUPID BOTTLE OF CHEAP ASS CHAMPAGNE!

THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT I AM IMMEDIATELY THINKING THE ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS MY ANGER IS TO BLOG ABOUT IT IN ALL CAPS!


In the end I drink wine. I like wine, so it's ok, but really, something has gone horribly wrong with my parents. I'm 97.2% sure my dad is hiding a bottle of vodka somewhere in the garage. I'll find it tomorrow.

On my night in general...or as they say in Spanish, "En General"

Good night, saw my peoples, played some games, sorry i just realized this portion of the post was completely SUPERFLUOUS

Morning Musings

I hate superfluous belts

This is what happens when you're bored

I know everyone and their mother now has a blog. I don't expect anyone to read this. I just like writing shit when I'm drunk.

So without further ado, I give you...

Drunktaneous in the City:
A twenty-something's late night (or midafternoon, evening, etc...) drunken musings on life

I figured I should have a theme of some sort so...every post will be written drunk! Including this one! Wheeeee!