Six Beers and a Lemondrop (courtesy of my manners)

So listen up bitches...I. am. awesome.  I got my friends and myself a free shot tonight because when I ordered a Bud Light I said, "A Bud Light please." The bartender was so freaking amazed that I said please he gave us all Lemondrops. There is something seriously wrong with this city if a simple "Please" gets you a free shot. In other news, I now know how to get free shots.

So we were there for a bit and then moved on. Oh, btw, I should add that I didn't go out until 1am. Whoops! Anyfreeshots...we went to another bar after that and the bartender was a dick. He was nice to me because his girlfriend was from Cape Giuardo (WTF who is from there)(It's a town about two hours away from Saint Louis for those of you not from MO...nubes) and then yelled at me when I was like "WTF who is from there?" So Christy bitched him out for sucking and then we went to yet another bar.

This bar was AWESOME. Why? Because the music they played was pleasing to my ears. It was a blend of Motown and Eighties, which in my opinion is the best blend EVER. Anycomeoneileen, the music was a pleasant distraction until we realized we were in the middle of a GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. I'm going to let you take a minute for that to sink in. BTW, if you don't know what a Guido is, please follow the link for a reference.

One word: FAIL

ALSO, some guy BIT MY FACE. I have no explanation. He literally just walked up to me, bit my face and then walked away. This made more sense once we realized we were in the middle of a FUCKING GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. Sick.

Also, I miss the Midwest. And my family. And my friends. Whompity whomp whomp.

NYfuckingC

Hilarious things happen in NY...like all the time. For example, my friend Margaret just happened about the an LP (Little People aka midgets) Convention. In her hotel. Like, while she was also staying in said hotel. WTF? According to Madge, the LPs love to get drunktaneous (which means like two beers?) and they also love dressing like sluts. WTF SQUARED?!? Where do they get slutty midget clothes? They certainly aren't selling that shit in the children's section at Target. And if they did that would be HILARIOUS. Can you imagine? The most embarrassing section would no longer be "huskey" (aka fat kids and one of my bffs last names...loves you megs) but "slutty babies" or if they were trying to be more pc, experimental toddlers? i have no idea.

More crazy shiz...a homeless (i'm assuming) dude in a wheel chair with a shark puppet. He either just got the puppet or washed it on the reg bc it was a clean shark puppet. I couldn't understand a word said puppet was saying, but that was more or less to be expected. When you meet a homeless dude with a shark puppet, you do not question the wisdom of the shark puppet. 

One more thing...

So all my relatives are on this weird quest to find me "the contact" aka the person that hooks me up with a job or something along those lines. I've gotten some good stuff, but some dead ends. For example, my Uncle Steve's friend Carmen was incredible, nice and welcoming (he offered me sushi AND bagels...i ate both, whatevs don't judge) but he had no way of helping me find a job. He had one contact at HarperCollins, but he couldn't remember her name. Oh, btw he is a composer. He filled me in on his latest project...a rock band creating a concept album.

Now, I love  a good concept album (Ziggy Stardust, A Grand Don't Come For Free,  Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots)...HOWEVS a concept album about Dante (as in Dante's Inferno) and Beatrice (his 8 year old lover?) in...get ready for it...SPACE?? I can't deal. But with such catchy tracks as "Rocketship Pneumonia" who wouldn't be hooked?

Oh wait, I was joke telling. This music as effing weird...esp bc the singer, well I wish I could elabroate, but it was like the most intense eightes rock singer took a shot of soul (or acid?) and started going at it.

Ok I' about to PTF...night night motherfuckers.

eh?

wtf is a vodka orange?  i wish i knew

Well this is an educated guess but...a vodka orange, three beers, two jaeger bombs, and three more beers

In short...WTF...i should not be drinking this much alchie hol...btw i need dudes to buy to dinks or drinks whatevs...i just am going to bedsie-bye right now...night nnight baby childs

3 pitchers shared so...a pitcher and a half?

So living in NYC is awesome. Except for the whole no job thing. Someone hook me puuuhleaase. The All Star game was a whomp whomp, as I knew it would be.  But I had fun with Christy(ie?) and we had a lot of OMG I know that person too moments. It was awesome. I wish I was more drunk right now, but I can't afford more drinks. GAYFACE. Tomorrow I shall be more than drunktaneous, I shall be drunktabulous...nay...drunktacular! Get ready for it bitches.

One Bud Light Tallboy

Ok, so I'm not technically drunktaneous right now, but let it be known that I am drinking by myself at 6:3o in the evening because I have no job and my dad left me some beer in the fridge after he helped me move in. 

YES I am officially in NYC. I've been in drunktaneous mode the past two nights (bottle of delish Cabernet on Sunday and three rather large beers last night), but I didn't have internet until today. So whomp whomp dink dink. Btw can you get me a job? Can anyone? Because that would be GREAT. 

All Star game tonight. I'm sure many beers will be consumed, because, let's be honest, the All Star game is real effin boring.