A shot of jameson and maybe like 8 beers? I don't know..

SO...drunktaneous AND in the city? Coincidence? I think...NOT! No really, it's not a coincidence. I live in the city and I tend to get drunktaneous. So this is more just a weekly occurance than anything else.

ANYWAYS...my roomie, one Miss E.G. McCollum, is leaving me for beachy-er pasters. (Yes I realize beachy-er isn't a word, and, no, I don't care.) (I am also aware that I just spent more time justifying beachy-er than making it relevant.)

ANYWAYS 2.0...I am sad. Because I love this soon-to-be former of roomie of mine. We have had many a "cray cray" (if you will) night together. In retrospect. Bar Coastal. Magical Forest. Creepy D. Large shoes left in the living room over night. Large bottles of wine left in the living room over (most?) nights. Food Network. Henry. SO much pasta. Valentines Day Bar Crawl. Koozies (for every occasion.) Town Tavern. The DJ at Town Tavern. Pizza.

I'm sure there are many more things I could say about our time spent in the MF but I'm just beng really lazy and like, the fuck?

I love EG McCollum and will miss her dearly.

Seven Beers

Am I somewhat of a "lightweight" now? Possibly. Do I give a fuck? NO! All this means is that I get drunk for less money and calories, so SHUT UP.

ANYWAYS...haven't posted for some time now. Probably because I've either been too drunk to remember or not drunk at all. That is the way I've been swinging for a while. In other news...WHO THE FUCK CARES?

Let's make some observations on life shall we?

I love Conan. I really do. WHAT? SHUT UP! I'm being serious! He is awesome and hilarious and I feel this is kind of a "fuck the man" situation, even thought I fucking HATE hippies. This entire thing has made me despise Jay Leno and NBC, even though many of my favorite shows still come from this network, and, I'll admit, Headlines has always made me laugh. Although that has nothing to do with Jay. He just got lucky to think of the bit and that people continue to find absurb adverts for their local grocery store.

ANYFUCKJAY...You all need to be watching Parks and Recreation ASAP. It is the best show on NBC right now. If you argue with me and say "Nooooo, what about the Office?" I will request your name and address and come to your place of residence and kick you in the balls/bagina and then spit on your mother. Did you see the Parks and Rec last night? Probably not because you were too busy masturbating in anticipation of the Office. And for what? A shitty clip episode that SUCKED? I could have understood that crap episode if they were in the middle of a seven episode arc and needed a creative break, but COME ON! They haven't had a new episode in like 3 or 4 weeks! It was bullshit is what it was. As much as I love the Office, I think the writers are running out of new material. So please. For the love of God and little baby Jesus in Heaven, watch Parks and Rec. Because it is FUCKING HILARIOUS. And honestly, would I lie to you? (Don't answer that.)

IN OTHER NEWS...Hot damn, I don't think I have any other news because my life is now rather boring. This is what happens when you are no longer in college. I don't think I've become a boring person (that doesn't happen until you get married and have babies), it's just that I don't get to be drunk and reckless all the time. Just on weekends. It's as though my sober self and my drunken self got divorced and my drunken self only gets me on weekends, with the occasional Thursday thrown in for company happy hours. Fuck you sober self!

SHUT UP! Think whatever you want you buttholes. I don't care! ANYWAYS...I will leave you with this closing note: Have you ever noticed that the word "therapist" is a combination of "the" and "rapist"...THE RAPIST!!! I'm sorry, but does anyone else find that funny? No? WELL THEN, SHUT UP. Good night.

Drunkblogging Glee (Beer...an unspecified amount)

9:00: Ok amazing already. There probably couldn't be a more awesome way to start a show.

9:05: Nope. That is def the best way to start a show. Any show. TV, Movies, Broadway, VMAs...for realz. Any show.

9:07: Whoa. I just realized the wife is is Coach Taylor's sister. FNL is my favorite show of all time. OF ALL TIME!

9:08: She is making a niche of playing crazies.

9:08: Crazy breeds crazy!

9:06: Take it away Sue!

9:07: You can't strike children on their fair buttox with razor sharp bamboom stick. Yes we cane" Go Canes! Wait...never mind...

9:08: Lingo for an interview...via sattelitte. I think she has the best lines in the entire show.

9:09: Why is she always dressed like a Catholic school girl? It's weird...just go to Nerinx already. Musical theatre is HUGE there.

9:10: One word comes to mind...HA

9:10: SO MANY LOLZ

9:11: Why are the coaches shorts always so short...PS Auditioning for the role of kicker. Perfect.

9:12: I just almost spit my beer out from the LOLZ

9:15: The most hilarious thing about this baby situation is that all of my friends thought that in high school, if you give a guy a HJ in the hot tub, everyone in the hot tub is going to get pregs. OBVI. God, they don't teach people anything in public school.

9:20: Oooohhh...Lynch Pinn...like Jane Lynch...inside joke? maybe? maybe not? 

9:21: Bitch has got some fierce cheek bones. Or maybe it's the lighting. 

9:23: I miss pointe. Actually not. I miss the idea of it. It hurts like fuck. My big toenail broke in half once and bled all over the place. Yeah. True story. Gross true story, but true story nonetheless.

9:24: Aw Rach is making me sad.

9:27: I'm pretty sure the MacSnackWrap is a Big Mac wrapped in a...wrap. People wraps are not any better for you. If you are going to eat a burger, go to a good burger place.

9:28: YES. WSS. What if they restaged WSS as like the Chinese vs the Mongolians. The sad thing is no one that wasn't Asian would know the difference. 

9:30: Oh shit things just got serious.

9:30: Quinn is obvi not preggers. She is just a desperate idiot. I mean if you're going to get pregnant you should at least do the durty. Stupid Quinn.

9:32: YES! Dancing football players!

9:32: Dude, she isn't telling anybody because she's not pregnant...LIKE YOUR WIFE.

9:33 On a side not...blogging, watching and drinking are hard to do all at once. Whew. I'm worn out. 

9:36: Sick. Since when do children's movies show a dude on the toilet. Barf me.

9:38: Comb through the hair...slap the buttox! OMG LOLZ ALPENTY

9:40: Bc you got me drunk on wine coolers and felt fat that day. Wow. That, as sad as it sounds, is the exact way thinking a high schooler would feel if she got pregnant.

9:45: A big gay team of dancing gays. Perfect

9:45: What his face's scarf is so gay.

9:55: I've known. I've known since you were three. You wanted a pair of sensible heels. OOOOMMMMGGG...i just LOLED like you would't believe. For realz. This show is hilarious.

9:58: Well I'll tell you my secret Western Ohio...

10:00: I don't know if I like drunk blogging. It's hard. I can't watch it fully. If only had Tivo.  \

HINT HINT: Who wants to be my blog patron and provide me cable/tivo...I know you are out there somewhere! 

Probably not...maybe my parents will buy it for me for  christmas

Around 7 beers...but some of them were tall boys so I don't really know what that comes out to...

So let me start off by saying...I. love. college. football. Ok that is an exaggeration. I don't really give a shit about any football that isn't Miami football. HOWEVSIES...we dominated tonight and I could not be happier. For realz. If we had lost I would probably be pissed off for at least the next two days. At least. You might think to yourself, "Roni? Pissed off? I can't picture it" Well bitches it is not something you want to picture. I'm trying to think of an example of when I've been angry recently but, ah, well, nothing is coming to mind. But trust, you don't want to see it. Just ask someone I've been angry at. Like Sr. Marie Louise. Fucking beyotch.

ANYIMDRINKINGNATTYLIGHTAT1AMONAMONDAY....so...scooters! Jokes...I'm joking...I'm so over scooters. In other news, John Nolan came to visit this weekend. For all of my many readers out there (I know there are at least 12 of you) John is pretty much my bff aeaeae. If you don't know what bffaeae means...well, you are obviously unaware of Miley Cirus' oeuvre. And for that I pity you. Because she's just being Miley. And at the end of the day, aren't we all? 

SO. Let's get back on track. John was great. We had a super duper time. These were our observations:

If you add "a go go" to the end of anything it makes it way cooler

For example:

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I'd like Mexican"

boring

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I'd like Mexican a go go"

AWESOME!

Also, any time you make a statement about life, ask the question: "Thoughts? Thoughts?" It has the potential for amazingness

for example...or as the spanish like to say "por eljemple"

full disclosure: I have no effing clue what the spanish say

"What would you like to eat tonight?"

"I think I"d like Mexican (a go go, if you so choose). Thoughts, thoughts?"

See? It only gets better the more you use it. So start using it more. And I will leave you at that.

Thoughts? Thoughts?

The Better Part of a Bottle of Reisling

Am I drinking right now solely to blog? Yes, yes I am. WHAT? Stop judging me you judging judgers! You know who you are! ANYWAYS...Let's see if I can think of anything interesting to talk about. Well, this wine I'm drinking is simply divine. (Dr. L Riesling, it's really hard to find in STL and Miami, but they have it in Chicago if anyone from the midwest is wondering. Which you probably weren't.)

So my mom sent me $40 today. That was nice. Especially because I am more broke than I have ever been in my life. I will probably spend all of that money on booze. And Dunkin Donuts. (Dont...just don't.) Someone give me a job. For the love of God.

I just realized that I wasn't labeling any of my posts. The suggestions Blogspot gives are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall." None of those have ever applied to any of my posts, which is probably a good thing. A scooter in any other blog is probably harmless. A scooter mention in this blog would probably mean I was writing this from the hospital. Or that I stole a scooter. If I blogged on vacation, my computer would probably be floating in the ocean somewhere. Or on the stage at Sloppy Joe's. And if I blogged during the fall, ooooh boy. Don't even get me started about the fall! Let us reflect on what some of my posts' labels would be. Hmmm...

Lemondrops

Beer

Wine

Judging judgers

Skinterns

Drinking by myself

Awesomeness

Being awkward

Holler if you have any other suggestions. In other news, I played trivia last night with fellow skintern Henry and his fancy Brown friends. That trivia was hard! Probably because it was hipster trivia. They had a whole category about horses and another one about paradoxes in philosophy or some crazy shit like that. We ended up getting second place, which I obviously didn't contribute to in any way. I tried to bring the lolz though. Too bad I can't get a job in bringing the lolz. I would be awesome at that.

Six Beers, a Lemondrop, and a SocoLime

Soco Lime! Shout out to Megan Huskey, who I will forever associate with Soco Lime. I don't really know why though...Whatevs, anything that reminds me of Megan Huskey makes me happy.

SO...I saw someone do coke tonight...TWICE! This may seem odd because I went to school in Miami where coke is so common its like the soft drink Coca Cola, the real coke...ANYWAYS... I never saw anyone do coke in Miami, but I saw someone do coke tonight guys! And it was unnerving. 

I was sitting next to this kid and he just pulls a little baggie out of his wallet, dips his keys (which looked just like mine) into the bag, pulls it back with some white stuff and and snorts it right up his nose. In case you were wondering, the white stuff was COKE. May I add, this all took place in a CAB. WTF. I thought this kid was like the friendliest person ever only to realize that is what coke does to you. I was all like, "Oh man, this guy thinks I'm really cool and fun. That must be why he keeps talking to me so enthusiastically. WRONG. Thanks coke, for making me believe I'm interesting when sober.

In other news...while walking down the street today, a crazy homeless gentleman asked Em if she "had any lesbian protection." I have no idea what that means. But I love it nonetheless. That's the thing...every time I think I see something crazy in NY, I think to myself, "Now, THAT, is the weirdest thing I've seen here." Only to be proven wrong a few hours later. Thank God for crazy homeless people or I would have nothing to write about.

Six Beers and a Lemondrop (courtesy of my manners)

So listen up bitches...I. am. awesome.  I got my friends and myself a free shot tonight because when I ordered a Bud Light I said, "A Bud Light please." The bartender was so freaking amazed that I said please he gave us all Lemondrops. There is something seriously wrong with this city if a simple "Please" gets you a free shot. In other news, I now know how to get free shots.

So we were there for a bit and then moved on. Oh, btw, I should add that I didn't go out until 1am. Whoops! Anyfreeshots...we went to another bar after that and the bartender was a dick. He was nice to me because his girlfriend was from Cape Giuardo (WTF who is from there)(It's a town about two hours away from Saint Louis for those of you not from MO...nubes) and then yelled at me when I was like "WTF who is from there?" So Christy bitched him out for sucking and then we went to yet another bar.

This bar was AWESOME. Why? Because the music they played was pleasing to my ears. It was a blend of Motown and Eighties, which in my opinion is the best blend EVER. Anycomeoneileen, the music was a pleasant distraction until we realized we were in the middle of a GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. I'm going to let you take a minute for that to sink in. BTW, if you don't know what a Guido is, please follow the link for a reference.

One word: FAIL

ALSO, some guy BIT MY FACE. I have no explanation. He literally just walked up to me, bit my face and then walked away. This made more sense once we realized we were in the middle of a FUCKING GUIDO BACHELOR PARTY. Sick.

Also, I miss the Midwest. And my family. And my friends. Whompity whomp whomp.